forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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