Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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