dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
