I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
