my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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