Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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