I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
