i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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