You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
