Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
