I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
