My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize