my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
