Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
