I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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