A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
