You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Randomize
