cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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