When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
