:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
