Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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