Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
