i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
