I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
