sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
