Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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