Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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