So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
