I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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