I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
