I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
