You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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