I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
