She's JV to your varsity
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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