This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
