there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
