Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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