I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
