I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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