remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
