I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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