it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize