Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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