the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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