I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
