I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
