Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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