I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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