You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
