my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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