A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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