Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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