I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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