I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize