Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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