Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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