I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
