Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My bed smells like the plague
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
