I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
