This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize