He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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