If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
