Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize