I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
