Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
