This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
