i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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