smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
