Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize